Movie Review: Liam Neeson Strikes Back (aka Taken)
Now, I know I don't share taste in movies with a lot of people, but I just watched Taken, starring Liam Neeson. Generally I like Liam and his movies, but man this movie was a stinker. Maybe Gene Shalit was right in thinking it was a documentary because it sure was as dull as many documentaries are. I'm not going to bore you with a full review, but a few key observations (Spoilers ahead for those of you with no taste):
- Liam Neeson doesn't free any of the sex slaves he encounters and totally forgets the one he does save (because she is a lead) in his hotel room.
- The girl that Shannon from Lost went to Paris with turns up dead, but we're led to believe that beyond cousins in Paris (who are in Madrid at the time of the movie) she has no family that is looking for her or generally gives a shit.
- Liam Neeson goes on a killing spree that the police know is unfolding, yet he's still able to pass through customs on his way back through LAX (meanwhile if you were on that flight today you'd be expected to shit your pants in boredom during the last hour).
- According to Taken, Albanians and vaguely Arab men with too much Mascara are all involved in prostitution.
- Thankfully things like steam pipes aren't adequately bolted in place in France (though Liam Neeson loves that the electricity is up to snuff for his torture) so Liam is able to use Three Stooges-like mishaps to escape death by strangulation by the head pimp's security staff.
- We get to meet Liam's CIA buddies at the start of the movie, but they barely help him out while he's in France. I guess they just wanted to drink his beer at their weekly BBQ and non-homosexual male bonding.
To recap, when you add the yacht scene at the end, Taken=The 3 Stooges+The Return of the Jedi (fat guy buying girls)+Overboard+every movie whose tag line is "this time it's personal."
Meanwhile, Shannon is addicted to Flickchart and has been picking the movie she likes the best for the last 6 hours or so.
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